Who am I?
That’s a question I like to avoid
That’s a question I don’t know the answer to
Who am I?
I know I’ve been hiding for a long time
Hiding behind a façade that I’ve perfected
I know I don’t want to hide anymore
I want to be seen
I am not often seen
In a family where perfection is expected it’s hard to be seen
What would happen if I were to show you who I truly am?
Would you accept me?
Reject me?
Would you be disappointed in what you see?
For I am not perfect
I am actually broken
I am hurting
I am lost
And I’m not sure if it’s ok to say that
But I’ve found that I like myself more lost in the brokenness than I do striving for perfection
I think I’m beginning to find myself here
I spent a long time refusing to look inside myself
I was afraid of what was in there
I was afraid of who I was
As I look inside yes, it is dark
Yes, it is scary
But it is also beautiful
There are beautiful parts of me I didn’t know existed
It’s funny how when you admit you are broken you start to see yourself for the first time
It’s funny how when you realize you have nothing you start to find what you’ve been looking for the whole time
I am broken
I’ve gotten lost
And shame haunts my heart
But I will not hide anymore
It’s time to show you who I really am
A beautiful mess of darkness and light
Fighting to find my way
And one day the sun will rise
The sky grows warm with hope
It’s time to open up my heart
Who am I?
I am not perfect
I am a living, breathing, thinking, feeling, dreaming human being
And I am finding that in the imperfection there is more to me than I ever thought there could be