Have you ever thought about what the function of fear is? I’ve begun to think about it recently. I’ve started thinking about it because I have this fear that I know is irrational. I have this fear that I know is not grounded in truth. And yet I can’t seem to let it go. I can’t seem to move past it. I can’t seem to convince myself that this thing I am so afraid of is not going to happen. I’ve been frustrated with myself and I’ve been wondering why I can’t let this fear go. Why I can’t call it out for what it is. Why I’ve been latching on to it so tightly. I think it’s because I feel like it is protecting me. I think it’s because I feel like my fear is keeping the thing that I am so afraid of from happening. It feels like my fear is a buffer. It feels like if I let go of it then I will no longer have a buffer and I will no longer have protection. Is this rational? No. But it feels true to me. Can fear be protective? I think the very nature of fear is to protect. If you are crossing the street and a car is barreling towards you, fear is the thing that motivates you to jump out of the way. If you are walking on the edge of a dangerously high cliff, fear is the thing that urges you to step back to safety. If a malicious dog is charging you, fear is the thing that gets your ass moving. So yes, fear is protective. Fear can save your life. But can this life saving fear be taken out of context and placed around something that is not actually threatening your life? Yes. I believe that is what is happening to me. This thing I am so afraid of is not threatening my life even though it feels like it is. The amount of fear I have towards it is not proportional to the fear it calls for. But my brain is telling me it is protecting me. My brain is telling me it is saving my life. How do I argue with my brain that is ‘saving my life’?
I want to let this fear go. I want to rest assured in the fact that I am safe and that no one is leaving. But I cannot. My fear has become a stumbling block. Something that I cannot move past. For who can let go of something that is ‘saving your life’? All of my instincts are telling me that this fear is saving my life. My ‘fight or flight’ reactions will not let me let it go. How do you argue with something as instinctive as your fight or flight reaction, even if it is being taken out of context? I have not figured this out yet. I have not learned how to let this fear go or how to challenge the reactions that are coming from my fight or flight instincts. It doesn’t feel right to challenge them. How can fear save your life in one situation and in another scream danger when there is none? How do you know when to listen to it? How can it be taken that out of context? How do I know when there is actually danger or when there is none? My brain screams at the same intensity both times. How do I know when to trust it?