Who am I?

That’s a question I like to avoid

That’s a question I don’t know the answer to

Who am I?

I know I’ve been hiding for a long time

Hiding behind a façade that I’ve perfected

I know I don’t want to hide anymore

I want to be seen

I am not often seen

In a family where perfection is expected it’s hard to be seen

What would happen if I were to show you who I truly am?

Would you accept me?

Reject me?

Would you be disappointed in what you see?

For I am not perfect

I am actually broken

I am hurting

I am lost

And I’m not sure if it’s ok to say that

But I’ve found that I like myself more lost in the brokenness than I do striving for perfection

I think I’m beginning to find myself here

I spent a long time refusing to look inside myself

I was afraid of what was in there

I was afraid of who I was

As I look inside yes, it is dark

Yes, it is scary

But it is also beautiful

There are beautiful parts of me I didn’t know existed

It’s funny how when you admit you are broken you start to see yourself for the first time

It’s funny how when you realize you have nothing you start to find what you’ve been looking for the whole time

I am broken

I’ve gotten lost

And shame haunts my heart

But I will not hide anymore

It’s time to show you who I really am

A beautiful mess of darkness and light

Fighting to find my way

And one day the sun will rise

The sky grows warm with hope

It’s time to open up my heart

Who am I?

I am not perfect

I am a living, breathing, thinking, feeling, dreaming human being

And I am finding that in the imperfection there is more to me than I ever thought there could be